if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
