end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
