Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
