My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
