so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
