i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
