Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
