dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
