yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just wanna soil my oats bro
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Vodka?
Forever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
