So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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