Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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