Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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