My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
