Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
