just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
