I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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