planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize