Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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