Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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