I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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