And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
