i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
