Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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