Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
