no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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