Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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