I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's never too late to be topless.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
