I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
