I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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