The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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