Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
