yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
