i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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