Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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