kristin has been a bad kristin
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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