someone threw a dead crab at me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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