on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
