he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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