i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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