i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
