I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
