Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
