I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
