i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
