that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
