like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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