i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
