My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
