I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
