East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
