I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
