I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
