drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
