I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
