it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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