last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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