I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
