You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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