Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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