She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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