Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
