I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
