A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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