Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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